allora...

(And don’t miss all the Sam Fox quotes)

“Oh, sorry!  I know, once we get into Latin etymology, you know it’s going to be boring for a bit.”

“Charles thinks he’s been led by his nose, but he’s really been led by his penis.”

“So what’s unrealistic about this situation? …I wonder if I’m getting sued for saying this. People don’t usually get knocked up after a one night stand!  It takes the normal couple fifteen months to conceive.  No!  No!  Of course it happens in real life, too!”

“Right, there’s no way this could end in a realistic marriage. She’d keep wandering off and being mysterious somewhere. ‘What are you thinking about?’ ‘Oh… nothing…’ — and go off being tragic all the time!”

(The professor’s Scottish) “So I told my colleague in the department that we were studying Carter’s rewriting of ‘Puss in Boots’, and he just looked at me and started laughing! “Pewhs in Bewhts?!” And now I start laughing to myself whenever I say it because it doesn’t feel like the words should be coming out of my mouth!”

“Just because it’s a rewriting of ‘Snow White’ doesn’t mean it has to have dwarves… oh my goodness.  Bringing in seven dwarves here would make it a gang rape or something!  No, no, let’s not bring in the dwarves!  Ahhh… so far, so… not good.”

“Ahhah!  We’ve finally reached the novelists who are still alive.”

“Now, having lived in Britain for twenty years, I can say… there’s a reason all those dystopian movies are set in Britain!”

“My next door neighbors are Libertarians, but I thought they were just hippies for years! Yes, my knowledge of American democracy…”

“I know damn all about physics.”

“I had a general practitioner who told me I needed to recover my inner child.  Now this was in northern Scotland, where people are not sentimental! I was appalled!  I was like, I don’t have an inner child! And then I started reading these books recently that suggest how to reconnect with your inner child. And do you know what one said? It said to throw a party for your friends’ inner children—you know, and only do things like bobbing for apples and such. I was so tantalized! And I started casting around, trying to think of friends who wouldn’t just show up with gin.  And then I thought, oh gosh, wouldn’t it be horrible if I invited all my friends’ inner children over and no one showed up?!”

These aren’t Sam Fox quotes, but I still want to log them.

(re: Guy Fawkes Night) “Ahh, yes.  This is what British kids do for fun — burn Catholics in effigy.”

“If you want someone to be evil, you have them seduce a virgin.  Obviously.”

“If you’re only going to take one lit class the whole time you’re here, you should take a Victorian lit class.  They’re the most useful.  And yes, I see all you Shakespeare people out there going, “WHAT?!”  And yes, yes, I’m telling you this now, after the drop date for this class… Okay, moving on!”